I've been wandering...

First of all, as you probably have already read, I'm a crazy girl, aged... almost 19 (I mean, my birthday is 2nd March, and we're 26th February right now), who has a lot of problems with the stuff she studies (Not the languages, the "important" studies). Not that I am not intelligent, it is just that when I get to the point in which I realize I don't care about what I do,  I just feel down (Especially when someone try to make me do something I don't like) and most of the times I end up quiting. For example, I'm doing a course I like (Computing), but, a) Altough I like them, I don't trust very much on my teachers and b) Altough I love computing, with all the database, programming, reapiring, etc stuff, that's not something I feel confident to work with. In fact, to me it would be awful to work with it. It's not the kind of things I love doing .

Probably, that's my point of view just because I'm a teenager (Teenage goes till 19, they say), or I'm too immature, I don''t know what life's about, and blah, blah, blah.  Probably I'm just being stupid about saying that I quite prefer starving but working in something I enjoy than having a lot of money but being unhappy my whole life.  Probably I'm not in my senses when I say people should make their own mistakes, it's not easy living another one's life, what is a mistake to you perhaps is the best opportunity to me, and this is just because we are different. As long as I have no children, no one depends on me except my cats and myself (And my cats have always food)... Why can't I live my own life without being always banned? Told that life's not this way? I've been told lots of times that I will regret when I'm older, that I don't know what I do, that I'm just being immature, and so on... But isn't it part of life? Of auto knowledgement? It's silly, damn. (OH, AND I DON'T THINK WHAT I PROBABLY SAY)

And here we arrive to the next problem. I'm looking for a job. Not a great one, though. Right now I need money, I have no problems in being at a boring phase that is needed to jump to the next one, but I would die rather than being all my life long at the same job.

Well, the thing is, I have no High School finished, yet.  I have no experience. I'm still young. And getting a job is not easy. So, I'm still looking for it. Due to my moral ideas, there are some things I wold never do (Such as working on Mc Donalds), I prefer starving. And everyone says I don't not want to get a job and that's an excuse as many others. It hurts me. I mean, these people think I prefer starving or living always form the others' help? Thats stupid. I have no problems on getting a decent job, no matter how much I earn, the thing is getting one. But here we come to another problem. Most of the people I know are always complaining about corruption, and how awful it is cheating, and how dishonest it is getting a job because you have someone inside that helps you to get it, you deserve it or not. I am one of these people. The problem is that I ACTUALLY  think so, if I have a chance of getting a job by a dishonest way, I prefer letting it pass by. Need it or not. I prefer someone who deserves it (Because it is obvious that I'm not the only one that needs it) getting it. It wouldn be fair.

But, because of what I think, and the way I act, for most people I'm just an ingenuous, stupid girl. Really. I prefer living according to my rules than to cheat to myself. And here's the BIG quesrtion... am I an alien?

Your answers will not make me change my mind, though, But I wanna know.

Gotta go, probably I won't get online till Friday (My birthday), cause I have very little money these days.

I love you all.