So after all those harsh emotions, and after that long blog, Ryan called me at around 3:00am and told me that they never went. the birthday boy was too sick to make it there. So I slept a happy girl. Lol. So even though my blog was for nothing, It still helped me feel better. For now, it's off to work! Peace!
I hate smoke. I hate smoking. It is the one fucking thing that I will hate foreve. I don't hate smokers, just their actions. My boyfriend, Ryan, he knows this. He knows that if he touches a cigarette I won't kiss him for three months. He feels the exact same way. He has already tried a cigar behind my back, which I figured out later on. He drinks and has gotton drunk, at first I was worried, but I got used to it. I won't drink until I am 21. So, to get to my point. Tonight Ryan went down to his campus with his friends to celebrate a guy's birthday. At first their original plans were to goto a strip club. Which, I wasn't happy about but I knew that if someone bought him a lap dance, I would shoot that person and the stripper. Anyways, that plan fell threw because it was too costly, go figure. So their next plan was to just go to dinner, goto a HOOKA bar, and then go drink in a dorm. Ryan had told me that he didn't want to touch a hooka because thats nasty, thank God. So I goto sleep tonight around 11:45pm. I get a phone call from Ryan's best friend, Jon at around 1:00am. Jon asks me if I knew what a hooka was. And I knew he was going to ask me if Ryan could try it. I cut him off and said no. Jon pleaded with me. I started to cry. Jon put Ryan on the phone. I could barely hear due to excessive screaming in the background. Ryan pleaded with me, telling me that it isn't bad, my fucking ass. I didn't want to be the bad guy. I started to cry instead. I just eventully gave in. And thats how my eyes became swollen, red, and dripping with mascarra. I feel like I want to die. I know that it seems so minute as a problem, but for some reason it has affected me in such a hard way. I honestly broke down when I clicked the end button on my phone. I don't even want to consult with the mirror right now. My cheeks are probably stained with black streaks. I just can't stand the thought of him smoking. And omg, I am sorry if any of you smoke. Like I said, I am not judging the person at all. I just care so deeply about Ryan and I don't want him to become more lax with smoking and pick it up. don't know what I would do. I would be torn apart. I have once in my life made out with a smoker. Once. Never again. I feel so helpless and rediculous. I just feel so hurt and betrayed. And I know it's not even that big of a deal, but it seems to cut me so deeply. Now I understand how parents feel having to let their children go. Only my situation isn't positive. I would have so much rather him gone to the strip club. It won't harm his health. And if I didn't work, I would have been there too. And he knows that if a stripper laid a hand on him, id go after her. Whats mine is mine. No one touches with whats mine. Alright I am so sorry this took long. I needed desparately to let that out. I feel a bit better. I just hope to GOD he has a hangover tomorrow and slaps himself in the face wondering what the fuck he was thinking. And there I will be, standing there rolling my eyes. *sigh* Wish me luck! I'll need it. Work is going to be a bitch tomorrow. lol. Ahh well. It's all apart of life my friends. And I must take it all in stride. You are all wonderful people! I am going to try and sleep now. Good night folks. I love you all! *huggles* Peace out.